Chapter 3

Chapter 3


Tanner had always packed enormous expanses of restless energy. Which to us though exhausting had not seemed out of the ordinary. But After repeated consternation and scathing reports of behavioral deficiencies from his first grade teacher we were obliged to seek professional help.
Armed with what seemed like a ream of paperwork from the public school we trotted off to Tanners pediatrician. Soon much to our chagrin and the teachers seeming delight Tanner was diagnosed with ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). What followed was a regiment of pills and promises that to me seemed to aid the teacher more than my son.
Then last year, Tanner found himself unable to control sudden small out burst and spastic shakings. So subtle at first, Like the gradual decay of poorly kept teeth it had gone unnoticed. Then to make things worse His ADHD intensified slyly overshadowed this underlying condition. This unfortunately Caused His pediatrician to constantly misread and overlook the developing concern. In time I became Frustrated by the physicians predisposed inclinations and began searching for a second opinion. Two exasperating months later, we found ourselves wearily setting in a neurosurgeons office. Seeking answers, we had traveled to a university hospital four hundred miles from home. The polished steel chair in examination room was cold and unyieldingly. It offered little comfort as the doctor announced Tanner had Tourettes Syndrome.
Tourettes is a ravenous compulsive disorder that now affect almost every facet of his life. It robs him of many simple pleasures and joys a normal young man would enjoy. Its tentacle reach into every aspect of life. It encroaches upon his speech bringing awkward pauses and frequent stuttering between words. It constantly introduces new ticks, that flare up suddenly then disappear like an unexpected summer shower.
As a parent whenever unforeseen problems have arisen and my children have found themselves in need. Whether they were injured or in trouble my hand has always been there to relieve the pain.
However, Tanners chilling impulses often make it impossible for me to distinguish who is steering his ship. filled with unquenchable anguish I question whether his behavior is the result of his own doing or caused by an uncontrollable force. Often unable to decipher the root of the ill I am forced to the sidelines. There in unbearable silence I am constrained to breathlessly watch as an angry beast parents in my stead. I un-affectionately named Tourettes syndrome the beast because I cannot heal the hurt, solve the riddle or undo the damage it wrecks upon his fragile mind. Stricken with this indescribable torment, No word can properly express my torture. At times i find myself devastated and emotionally distraught over my inability to stop his tormenter. Desperately near eruption an unappeasable Guilt causes my aching spirit to heave.
And even though at times I catch a fleeting glimpse of rising promise still i wonder what will become of him.
As a father, it has been exasperating and difficult to watch the disorder change my son. One moment the beast has him Painfully Twisting. Seeming uncontrolled he turns thrashes and tears. His innocent eyes plead to me for freedom from the beast molesting his deeds. Then in an instant, he is calm as the surf, slowly rolling into shore. Only to chameleon once again becoming a tidal wave of muscular disagreement.
There was a day before the beast arose when life came much easier for Tanner. Though never a prince, he seemed very much like the other boys in the neighborhood. It all started with a annoying uncontrolled grunt. From out of the blue, it would arrive and no amount of effort on his part could contain the flare-up. In consequent hours, days and months since the beast arrived the disorder intensified. Burdened by inexplicable pain I have watched as Tanner practically smothered himself trying in vain to silence the demon.
In public, it is much worse as anxiety tends to increase the frequency and volume.