Chapter 5

Chapter 5


loading another hopeful pitch Tanner summoned me back from my wayward thoughts. His reddened eyes foretold of Increasingly Frustration. Unfortunately this served only to fuel the ravenous beast and his quaking worsened. And though his muscles fidgeted like a disobediently child his heart refused to succumb to the ogre. Drawing a cavernous breath and Tightly squeezing the ball, he reared back before jettisoned another wild tormented pitch.
Fighting back against the dejection creeping into my thoughts his determined look became a foul ball. With all my soul I wanted to believe in him, I wanted to imagine he could achieve. Yet, relentless trepidation over the possibility of a crushing failure froze my faith. Apprehensive and fearfully, I wonder what would happen if righteous dreams collapsed. Would his already battered confidence melt away from the scolding heat of failure and evaporate like dew when morning fades?
Wandering threw the weeds to recover another wayward throw I was stricken with grief over my dilemma. I reminisced of a simpler time when Tanner was very small. I keenly recall gently cuddling his fragile body. He seemed so untouchably pure, innocent of all earthly guile. In his radiant eyes, I swore I could see an unspoiled glimpse of eternity.
frequently I curiously lie on the floor with him while he busied in childish play. Becoming Very Inquisitive, I wanted to see the world from his level. Scampering here and there youthful exuberance permeated his every being. From my crouched vantage point it appeared to me that each member of his tiny body had its own agenda and In vain tried to separate itself from the whole. How quickly he slipped from childlike innocence into a bustling twelve year old. Bringing with it all the complexities, twist and turns of pre-adolescence.
And though with my eyes I beheld his physical features morphing still it seems like only yesterday I joyfully entertained myself watching him wrestle and race.
Kneeling back in the rusted dirt behind that tattered base an overwhelming parade of memories filled my mind and moistened my eyes.
Then as quickly as they had exploded flashing days of yesteryear into my thoughts They waned and faded like the last gleaming sparkle of fireworks on Independence Day, then they were gone.
It was times dirty dead, like a master thief working his craft he stole them away. In a twinkling , what seemed like a lifetime as I raised him became a small flash, a distant recollection, a fading blot in time.
How I now crave for the things I once feared, dirty diapers, skinned knees and chocolate face kisses. Along with the things I will always love, unexpected hugs, inquisitive talks, losing on purpose and hearing the word Daddy.
The bitter memories having taken their toll in my life now also began to wane. The good and the bad, the reckless and the exquisite all seem to have diminished. They Like my favorite pair of jeans are hopelessly faded by time. The distant echo of childish laughter is all that remains. Yet, Like the names my children etched into the wet cement on the front porch of our home. Those touching remembrances are forever engraved in the granite hall of my mind.