Chapter 4

Chapter 4

One crisp fall morning we occupied our normal seats in the back of the chapel in a brown brick church on sky mountain boulevard. Each Sunday as Tanners tourettes escalated we had progressively moved further to the rear of the building . Not out of embarrassment, but out of fear. The anxious gut wrenching fear that a flagrant misreading of his condition might result in a careless comment or worse.
Still as On previous Sabbath days I welcomed the opportunity to sit quietly with my family. My arm resting gently upon Carol shoulders, I reveled in the moment. Glancing down at my children I began surveying their faces. Taylor was serious as usual with a very proper demeanor. The three younger boys were inattentively squirming in their seats. Deep inside I wanted to squirm with them but instead halfheartedly hushed them. Next my wondering gaze fell upon Tanner. His face was crinkled up and he forcefully grunted as if he were struggling to perform some great task. His youthful body was tense and his arms trembled . His fingers and hands lay hidden beneath, he had literally sat on them to cover an obsessive physical tick. His eyes filled with tender tears as the unrelenting and misunderstood stares I had feared surrounded him on every side. Feeling Encapsulated and under siege an avalanche of despair be fell him. Frantically I slid into a empty chair by his side. There I Struggled to shovel Tanner free from the suffocating weight resting heavily upon him. Wrapping my loving arms around him, he quivered within my grasp. Kissing the top of his head, then gradually pulling him closer i sympathetically whispered into his ear. Hypocritically encouraging him to do what I could not, Ignore the misguided looks that now were escalating, raining upon him like fiery darts from hell.
If those painful stares were darts the harsh words that unexpectedly followed resembled an nuclear blast. They had spewed from the angry lips of an older man. Rising from his cushioned seat he now stood a few rows in front of our chosen perch. Presuming a flagrant failure of parental control he proceeded to vehemently lecture us. The venomous words he spoke were nearly as caustic as the sickening sputum propelled with them. Tanner humiliated beyond relief shrunk into his seat. The attention of most in the congregation now shown upon us. My wife could take no more, the cascading blizzard of criticism overcame her. Delicate Tears flowed and coursed down her flushing cheeks. Abruptly rising and clasping Tanners hand she made a hasty escape. The other children quickly followed carol and tanner in their pained migration.
Feeling abandoned by those within and without I Sat momentarily in the chapel. Staggered and stunned, unthinkable feelings of resentment began to grew. It was not that I expected church goers to be perfect. But ultimately I had expected more or hoped for it anyway. Now the unpleasant sensation seeping into my mind began to taint my thoughts. Discarded in a place where words like compassion , love and tolerance or often bantered about. For the first time I began to question if in reality that’s all they had been, And once spoken the words became worthless streams of vowel’s and consonants with no long term meaning attached.
Unfortunately for Tanner and I this was only the shadowy beginning of a cloud of unanticipated Disappointments. Soon a rising storm of acidic callousness and demeaning attitudes would develop. A frigid cold front of thinking moving in would deem Tanner useless and disposable. and in a violent down pour of guiltless hate would seek to wash him down life’s sewer. like discarded trash on a rain soaked ghetto street.